some good.. some sad.
There is nothing wrong with this question, however I do have some mixed emotions about it. Yes, there are things that I am excited for (and I will share those things with you) but moving to Spain is not all excitement and fun. But, before I get into the doom and gloom, lets talk about the fun stuff! Here is a list of the top 5 things I am excited about for our future in Spain:
Having my own apartment again!
Walking more instead of driving
Experiencing a new culture
Taking my dog on walks by the river and having relaxing family time with me Josh and Emma on a Spanish coffee shop patio (even though this is something we already try to do in NM)
Are these things that you would expect me to say are my top 5 excitements? Maybe.. maybe not. To some these things may not seem that exciting but for me these things give me peaceful thoughts when I think about moving my entire life to Spain. You see, most things are terrifying. I am not going on a vacation, I am not a tourist, I am moving my entire life, leaving my friends and family, going to a new home that just happens to be an ocean away. (And if I were going on vacation to Spain I would not choose Burgos… there are no beaches, its a small isolated town, and its cold...) I am not going to Spain because it was in my five year plan.. I am going because God told me to and I am most excited to see a new church planted by unqualified people that do their best to love Jesus and every person made in His image. I would not be going to Spain if God didn’t want me to go. I don’t even know if I would ever travel to Spain in my lifetime if it wasn’t for this mission, if it wasn’t for the 99% of the population in Burgos that doesn’t know Jesus.
On that note, let’s talk about the scary stuff really quickly:
Not knowing Spanish right away when not many people speak English
Trying to make new friends.
Leaving my friends and family and having to phone/video calls to keep in touch (I don’t know about you, but phone/video calls are always awkward and static-y and it is just nowhere near the same as face to face interaction.)
Getting invested into a new place knowing I will be leaving it after about 10 years
Now what about this list, anything strike you as surprising? More people are shocked when I tell them that I didn’t LOVE the food when we visited Spain. There is not much spice, not much variety, and honestly its fine but I know there will be so much food I will miss and I think I will be cooking at home a lot.
What about #4 on that second list… This is something I try not to think about too often. All of the pain I am going to feel by leaving my friends and family this year I am going to have to do again one day. I will make friends, I will build a new family, watch kids grow up in Burgos, I will know my way around the city and people in the city will know me. And I am moving to Spain knowing full well the pain I am inflicting on myself. I don’t want to leave.. I want to grow deep roots. I want to feel loved and part of something in a place. Part of a family. Even now, in Albuquerque I feel like I am not allowed to get close to anyone anymore. I don’t want to have more people to say goodbye to, I don’t want the goodbyes to become more difficult than they already will be. This makes it hard imagining building relationships with people in Burgos when I know I will leave them one day.
So… why do it? Because even though its painful now (and I know it will continue to be painful throughout this entire process) I am not alone. If nothing else, God is by my side. He is my rock and my fortress, My God will be with me anywhere I go, and His Spirit will dwell in others as well and because of that I have such a HUGE family in Christ. I also have my husband, my team, and my dog and God has blessed us with each other on this crazy journey.
Our team knows that we have nothing on our own that would give us the ability to be successful in what we want to do and planting a new church in Spain. But our God can. He can call people to himself, He can do it quickly or slowly, He can accomplish whatever he pleases because He is God. And the only thing I know is that He wants me to go.
And I am honored and humbled, and I am excited, and I am terrified. But above all, I have people because I know that my Father is Good and He is Mighty.